And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
