Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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