You're my little dorito
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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