Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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