Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
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Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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