I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
And then my night got REAL pukey
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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