how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
