It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
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Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
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You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize