A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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