I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize