I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
