just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
