Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
