so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
