yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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