I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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