hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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