Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
