I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
