Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
