even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just invented taco cereal.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
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