So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
cat food counts as protein by the way
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
