Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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