I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
