According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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