Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
