but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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