If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
