There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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