he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
