I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Randomize
