that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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