you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just made my gag reflex go away.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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