I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
