It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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