Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
