Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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