Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
