i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
