Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
