i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
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