Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
