So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Naked Twister starts at high noon
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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