Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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