smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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