Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
