it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
