Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
