So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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