If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
