when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
