This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
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She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
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you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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