I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
