u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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