idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize