its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
