as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
