So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
