bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
