Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
