you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
