I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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