SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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