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where does the pee come out of this thing
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
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