I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The struggles of a small town man whore
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
