No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
