i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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