If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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