i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
