I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
