he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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