I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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