I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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