Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
