fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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