i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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