How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
