We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
