Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
